Wida

As i sit here in Majide Nabawi saying "Khudahafiz" to some of the most influential people in my life, I think and feel lost. I guess my thoughts of how to thank Him for the opportunity are paramount in my mind. Then theres the "wow" factor of I'm seen history in action, but today the main emotion is devastation. I dont believe in goodbyes, i dont believe in peoples right to walk out of my life, i hold true to my relationships, loyalty and brotherhood key traits of the Banu Hashim. My head keeps saying this isnt goodbye, it's a ill" see you later". The last time my head consoled my heart like this was Mashad. 

This man I came across the world to see is the basis of my faith. The messenger of God who brought me love and trust in Him. I've waited years to see his home, to spend sone time with him, and now I'm saying bye. Muhammad always to me was the father of Fatemah. The grandfather of Zaynab. I remember crying in Damascus for the chance to see Medina, now I'm sitting here asking to go back to Zaynab. Irony at its most painful best. Praying for Syria. 

My every dua has been through the wasila of three awesome women, Fatemah, Zaynab and Umulbanin. Today i sit near Baquee with tears in my eyes to  make more requests. Not just for me but the ones I love and those who have asked me to.  My pain at Baquee resides with the treatment of these individuals. My hearts yearns for a acknowledgement of their heritage. They are His Ahlulbayt. You think Muhammad would be proud of what you've done to them? These are my feelings and views and not that of the wider Shia population.  

Today, I'm hurt. Today, I'm disgusted. Inside everything wishes to be transported to Iraq. I always said I left a piece of my soul in Najaf and my heart in Mashad. What do I have left to leave with Muhammad? My whole being is owed to this man. To these ladies. Their grandchildren are my support in the hardest of times. I never walk alone knowing I come from the generation of the Mahdi. So today, I admit it, I found a new Najaf. There's no comparison to the angst I feel at leave Rasulullah. After all, there's no competition between these individuals so why not share my heart out between them. 

I went for fajr with my friends/roomies then Wida with my mum. I need you all to know that without this woman in my life I would be nothing. No one loves you like your mum. I recite two rakaat Salaa shukr for having her in my life every day for the rest of my life, if I stayed in sajda for the entirety of my life , thanking Him for her it wouldn't be enough. I love my mum from Jannah and back. No one and nothing compares to doing this trip with her. 

After Medina, we head to Makkah, the final destination after all 14 is His home. The ka'ba. I wish I had words to describe how I feel. Every language I speak falls short of what I feel today. The journey for closeness to Him continues....