Tawaf

Like a roaring river circling around a stone, Ka’ba is surrounded by a crowd of highly excited people. It is like a sun in the center while the people are like stars traveling in their orbit of the solar system. Centrally positioned, the people move around it in a circular pattern. Kaaba symbolizes the constancy and eternity of Allah. The moving circle represents the continuous activity and transition of His creatures. CONSTANCY + MOVEMENT + DISCIPLINE = TAWAF 

(Extract from book on Hajj by Dr. Ali Shariati)

Yesterday was an interesting day full of nuances that were so unfamiliar. We started late with an 11am start. Amenable auntys lecture was insightful and interesting. I miss those days of being taught rather than teaching. Makes me want to take a short course with one of my old teachers. 

I had a chat with my siblings which brought the reality of a return. Makkah May be my final destination but home is home. There are so many things that I need to change or finalise before I can think about what I really want. Siblings are a gift from Him and I love mine to bits. 

Everyday in Makkah has had a highlight yesterday's was tawaf. Naima and Aliya surrounded me as we undertook the task of a mustahab tawaf, alone without adult supervision. I never realised how important the courage and support of my mum and mama made me not fear the crowds. I started the tawaf shaking holding on to Aliya for dear life. The one thing I'll say about the girls on my trip they are such genuinely lovely people. Alhamdulillah. They let me be all gross sweaty and clingy without uttering a word. Now there's courtesy then then just pure intentions. I love how even after, during, before I never felt alone. 

Yesterday's tawaf marked a perfect moment for me a spiritual snapshot that will stay with me till qiyamah, the reason why I'm so touched by the kindness and humanity of these girls is I lived my dream with them. I touched the ka'ba. I touched the ka'ba. I touched the ka'ba. I touched the ka'ba. And yes, that what I text my best friend straight after, as I sat and stared at the ka'ba. There are movements in life that words aren't enough. That moment is one. Gosh, my heart did actual flip flops to say the least. I'm no expert of love or spirituality, but any doubts I had about this religion are now surpassed by that moment. It's like I crossed over and my soul was electrocuted. Never will I forget that feeling, if that peace, freedom and faith. I'm sold. 

Just a step on the dark side, our lecture was disrupted by several guards of Masjide Haraam who wanted to know what we were gathering about. The anti-Shia bid at crew lives on. Sheikh explained it was a Qur'an discussion circle. Then came and recited the first few ayah of sura e Munafiqoon. Coincidence much. The harsh reality of Saudi is tawau yah even in the House of God. 

Not everyday is perfect, but everyday has perfection. That's Him. He gives you everything without asking, wanting or needing. That's my God. I learnt about myself what no one else could have taught me. In my imperfection I can now see His perfection. That's my Rabb.