For me Ramadhan is a time to figure things out, settle and calm the world I live in. So the essence of Ramadhan is a culmination of everything I have been taught since I was a child coming into practice. It also strikes me as a month of magic and reform. I say reform because you naturally see. You see clearly as to who you are. You remove all the e-numbers, caffeine, sugar and any other substance from your diet and see who you are without any influence. Of course, there’s an amazingly enriched spiritual atmosphere and the unity of depriving yourself of physical sustenance in order to feed your soul.
I’m a true believer in whatever action or thoughts you may have during a day, have an impact on your soul. So if I consider shouting at someone, just the thought has an impact, should I choose to not follow through and speak calmly to the individual, the negative impact the thought had is replaced by a positive mark. Now that’s a simplistic example, let me get into the nitty gritty of my point. In Ramadhan while fasting I choose to worship my God by removing all physical influence on my body. I worship Him by becoming pure. So the only influence I may have on my soul is my own being. Going back to my simple example, if I shout it’s because that’s who I am, and not because I haven’t had enough sugar. So I remove all blame and simplify who I am. To really who I am.
I went into this Holy moth being me. Just that, I did a 30 day no fried food challenge to raise money for charity, I gave up caffeine too. It’s a personal goal of mine to figure out what being with tea green or black, or coffee (my one a day) would be like. When I got into the month, I dreaded my life and my world. I slowly realized this nasty habit of sleeping late, waking up early and using a stimulant such as coffee was not my solution. I just need to sleep earlier, I don’t need coffee. My first realization after 3 days. The no fried food sincerely helped my feeling of lethargy and tiredness, enough water helped too. And I only had one slice of cake over this whole month. Very proud of that. Well done me.
When I took away the physical I saw the physical impact. Now that’s simple. Obvious right. What shocks me till date is when I removed the physical I felt the spiritual impact too. I read Qur’an every day, and I’m not saying I’m now a great reciter, but I felt the peace I crave in Najaf here in London town. Just reading, I also read the meaning, I felt the words, I understood things and concepts which never struck me. Each time I picked up and activity, be it dua, drawing or even reading I could connect and focus. I wasn’t the usual me, where I start 1 task get distracted and move to doing 3 other tasks. I was like the man in limitless where I could do one task completely and move to the next. I did more work for my company in the last month than I would have thought. I adjusted my physical and gained my spiritual. I believed, I had faith.
The culmination of this Holy month, is always for the 23rd night (laylatul qadr – the night of power) aka the Qur’an birthday. And yes I celebrate. The pretty abaya comes out to play and I spend the night feasting on some of my favourite supplications. This year was difference, I recounted every single little thing since this time last year, I made lists of where and what I wanted in the next year. I’ve never seen more clearly before that night. That night I stayed up and I didn’t need to speak to talk. I had a direct line. I remember the same night last year as clearly as yesterday. My wants/demands were different but I know that I became me through this year and it’s who I was destined to be.
As I look back on this month, I’m gathering together and forming the pieces of a new me. One I don’t want to lose to caffeine or sugar or empty foods. I smile at what I’m leaving behind and cherish what I have gained. In truth I don’t believe in goodbyes or widaa. I never said widaa to anyone of the shrines I visited I never said widaa to the ka’ba. Today as we look at the final Friday of this Holy month, I just want to what I have gained to stay. Based on this- I will not be joining the moon sighters tonight to look for Eid a day early, I will be patiently praying for this Holy month to stay as a massive mark on my soul. I will always look back on this Ramadhan as the Ramadhan I became someone less yet more.
A renewed chii. A new found happiness. Let the harmony continue. No widaa.
