Karbala wida 2015

As i sit on the coach towards Najaf. I began the morning feeling satisfied. Almost joyful beyond the tiredness. Bearing in mind. Ziyarah is sleep deprivation to the max! It's like Hajj times a 100! I'm finally going to Najaf. 

So my temperament is that of someone heading towards Masjide Kufa. To see the maqam of Nuh, Idrees, but more than anything to see the house of my beloved Ameerul Momineen, the place where he did justice, ultimately was killed but to walk history. 

When i sit in the coach looking at the dome of the haram of Aba Fadhl i stare. Just stare. Until the coach starts. I turn to see the dome through the back window. As we drive i see it getting further. Now it hits. I'm leaving. I'm leaving without a gaurantee of return. It gets further away and each turn of the wheels is taking me away. We turn and I can't see the dome. I cant see the dome. There's panic in my heart. My insides feel trapped within me. My mouth dry. I want to scream stop. Don't drive I'm not ready. I'll never be ready to leave here. I keep a tasbih of "i'll be back" in my mind but my eyes pour the emotion my soul can't. 

When I'm finally thinking my heart wont explode right here in the this coach, my friend point out the haram one last view. I frantically look. I want one last glimpse. I want to see him one more time. I want my eyes to capture the sight i sit on my musullah at home and thirst, just one last capture. You ever looked everywhere and seen nothing? I felt like i had lost the power of sight. That's the moment I knew love. True, pure love. The kind theres no limit. That's Husayn. That's Karbala. It's amazing how you can spend 6 nights in the company, in the vicinity, with the view, but when you're left with just the "spiritual snapshot" you recognise the value. 

I don't agree with the saying "you dont know what you have till it's gone". You know the value of what you have. You just don't think you'll loose it. That's reality. You're tested with what you love the most. I saw the harams everyday, every night. Last night was different. Last night i felt the harams. It was alive. I felt alive. I'm not leaving without taking them with me. Karbala will not go a ritualistic sacrifice.